Weeping
Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters;
and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands,
that they may bear sons and daughters;
that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.
Jeremiah 29:6
Miss Hadassah Natalia Cynthia Pentrose walked a bit stiffly down the hallway, desperately willing her face to remain calm, opened the door to her room, closed the door to her room, and, abandoning all self-control, cast herself upon her bed, weeping bitterly. “My life is over! Oh, how could Papa do it?”
An observer might have wondered how anyone in her position could have had anything to complain about. She was wearing an elegant muslin day gown in the very latest fashion, its cheery pink tones exactly suiting her complexion. The bed she had cast herself onto was large, with a heavy canopy and curtains.
The rest of the room was done in a solid, dark wood, which style Miss Pentrose had always loved. On either side of the bed were two tall oak bookcases filled with books. Or, they would have been filled except for Miss Pentrose’s habit of taking a book, starting it, and leaving it lying on her desk, which desk her servants were forbidden from touching.
Along the walls were paintings, not masterworks but nicely done, street scenes, one of Paris and two of Rome.
The room had two full-length windows opening toward a large sloping lawn. The lawn in this direction fell gently into a creek. Beyond the creek, rising gently, was a woodland. Miss Pentrose loved those woods and had, earlier this very afternoon, been playing in those woods in a fashion that she was sure her mother would have been quite appalled at. She had even climbed a tree!
The young lady herself matched the room. While still given to various juvenile pursuits, such as climbing trees, swimming, and racing local youth, physically, she presented herself as every inch a young woman. Even her nose, which she considered her worst feature, was just a trifle smaller than fashion allowed and, although she didn’t know it, was the feature that young men said they admired the most.
She had been lying on her bed and weeping for a few minutes when an older woman in a maid uniform came in the door from the dressing room, carrying a pile of linen. She had been hired as a mere chambermaid ever so long ago, but over the years, her position had evolved into something much closer to a nurse or companion. Her birth did not permit any such declaration to be made however, and she cheerfully did the work that a chambermaid would do and dressed in that style.
She gave one look at the weeping lass, put the linen down on the table, and stood, hands on her hips. “Come, child, do not carry on so.”
“But Esther, you cannot know what has happened!” the young lady wailed.
“Certainly I know, Child. I have known for two weeks. There is little in the house that we servants do not know, and this particular secret has been the subject of much gossip.”
The girl sat up and cast a shocked face at her friend. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Yes, I knew. And certainly, I didn’t tell you. That was for your father to do. And for all I knew it might have fallen through.”
“But… Esther! I am to be married and to such a horrible man.”
The young woman collapsed on the bed again, her hands over her head, so the maid allowed herself a quick roll of her eyes before resuming her impassive expression. Then she picked up the linen again and, going to the wardrobe, said, “Surely there is nothing shocking in getting married, Dear. And certainly not anything to carry on so. And I’m surprised you put so much stock in gossip. It isn’t like you. Now get up; we must get you dressed for dinner. Your family and new husband will expect your finest tonight of all nights.”
The girl, dutifully if not cheerfully, rose and went to the middle of the room where her maid untied and lifted off her dress. “You say there is nothing shocking about my betrothal, but I think it is quite shocking when a young woman is sold to an older gentleman, even if I shouldn’t have listened to the gossip about him.
“ I was never so shocked in my life when, after a very quick speech by Papa, this man I didn’t even know took my hand and put a ring on it! There I was, bought and sold! I didn’t open my mouth the whole time!”
“How you carry on. As if every one of your class didn’t have great discussions of marriage portions and gifts of land and the like before they got married. Even we of the lower class discuss the prospects of a young man who wishes a wife and, indeed, his prospects are often improved by his marriage. Why, just last week, a young man of our very village married a young woman to secure an apprenticeship.”
“So you cannot blame your father in the least for seeing this match as ideal. The man is rich, he is titled, and you are their last daughter. You know that your father has been declining; surely he wanted to see you well settled before he passed on.”
“But, how am I to go on with life?” She couldn’t imagine her father passing on for a good many years yet, however much he did complain about his joints. And it wasn’t her fault that she had been the last of seven daughters!
“One day at a time, as we all do,” the maid said, putting the dress aside. “Now wash your face, Dear, you are a horrid mess.”
The girl gave one glance in the mirror over her dressing table and hurried to the basin. “But, you know that is not what I meant. What am I to do?”
“Dear…” the maid began to say, tempted to get angry with her young charge, but then she thought better of what she had been going to say. “Well, at the very least, Dear, you now know what the Lord’s will is for you, at least for the next few years.”
Hadassah turned to her. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Dry your face, Dear; you are dripping on your clothes.”
“What I mean,” she said as the girl took the towel and stared at her, “Is that you now know what God would have you do. You have been given a hard challenge, I doubt not, but at least it is clear.”
“You don’t mean… run away?”
“What? Escape to London and get caught up with a disreputable ruffian and live miserably in a hovel for a few years until you die penniless in childbirth, leaving behind snot-nosed wraiths? No, I certainly don’t mean that.”
“I mean… come here dear… I mean that you now have the opportunity to demonstrate how a Christian wife behaves toward an unbelieving husband.”
“Oh, well, I never said… I’ve never heard that he is actually an atheist!” she replied, shocked. “I’m sure Papa would never have betrothed me to such a man as that!
“He is just… oh, the stories my friends tell… he gambles and keeps mistresses! He is rarely to home and treats his peasants poorly.
“And he is so old! I’m to be his second wife; his first was carried off by the flu two years ago after what everyone tells me was an unhappy, cold, childless marriage. Oh, I know, most of society thinks that his age makes him more suitable: more stable, wiser, more experienced than I am. Just the perfect man to guide a flighty youth.”
“If everyone that you respect says something, dear, I think you need to pay it some attention at the very least. Now, we won’t discuss his spiritual state, although I am not sure that merely not being an atheist is the level of spiritual maturity I think you should hope for in a husband, but, as I said, all of this certainly makes your way clear. You need to go to God and ask him to make you a joyful, obedient wife in your new circumstances. And, certainly, to begin praying for your new husband.”
“Hush now and calm yourself; we must finish getting you ready. Your stays have become loose. Stand still.”
Thank you for coming round Arthur’s Substack. I hope and pray it will be a blessing to you.
Arthur publishes with Wise Path Books and include the children’s/YA books:
The Bobtails meet the Preacher’s Kid
and
As well as GK Chesterton’s wonderful book, “What’s Wrong with the World”, for which ‘Arthur’ wrote most of the annotations.
Quite a few chapters of the Bobtails and No Ordinary School are here on this substack as audio.
I also write as Von, and I encourage you to check out that substack. There is a lot of theology and politics there, as well as quotes, poems, other articles, and links to other Science Fiction. But ‘Von’ also is publishing some serial books and stories. Much more adult and serious books than here, for the most part. Some of them.
Von is publishing the stories:
Contract Marriage
Contract marriage is an adult dystopia examining the issues of marriage. Like 1984 and Brave New World, Contract Marriage treats the relations between the sexes as a fundamental aspect of how a society is formed and, thus, how a society can go wrong.
Unlike those dystopias, Contract Marriage isn’t all horrible all of the time. The characters for the most part have a good time and get along in their society. But the issues of sexuality, of marriage or not, monogamy or not, faithfulness or not, and gender roles… keep coming up and causing tension and conflict and joy and pain.
My desire is that my readers would be thinking along with my characters about these issues and perhaps even arrive at the same place (minus the flying cars).
Article 17
Article 17 is a military science fiction story with aliens and romance. It is set in a future reminiscent of Napoleon era Britain. The war was going very poorly until the military installed a dictator. This story follows one of the dictator’s great men: Cladin Tomirosh, Leader, and thrice decorated hero.
Island People
Island People is a young adult fantasy book centring on a young prince. The book starts with his kidnapping and follows his adventures as he not only escapes from his kidnapper but gains critical allies and friends.
The entire book is scheduled on Substack, and there are several sequels. This is a book I wrote years ago, so it is in a bit of a rough form. Critiques and comments are more than welcome, they are requested.
…and his story ‘The Oracle’ is in haitus, but there are some chapters there. Feel free to check them out.
God Bless you as you read, and may you do all to the glory of God.
Major problem:
The most confusing thing about this chapter is the point of view. We start in Haddasah's head, then move out to an observer who calls her "Miss Pentrose" then back in as she reminisces about climbing a tree, then out again reporting on what young men said about her, that she didn't know. Then we briefly dip into the nurse's point of view. I think it would work better to choose one pov and stay there. For this chapter, either Hadassah or Esther would work, or an omniscient narrator if you want to mimic an old-fashioned tale. There is enough reason for the reader to begin to bond with Hadassah if we feel things from her point of view. Given the tone of the chapter, though, I can't help thinking the author doesn't think much of her and is closer to the nurse's point of view. That cynicism leaks through, so at the end of the chapter, I don't feel close to anyone. That would make me put the story down.
Some further comments:
-the opening sentence is unnecessarily long and could be easily split.
-using both Esther and Hadassah as names of characters is interesting. At first I wondered if this was a retelling of the story of Esther, but using both her Hebrew and Persian names for one character is confusing.
-Do young men actually talk about women's noses (admiringly or otherwise) when they gather? These people need lives.
-The word "peasant" was jarring. This sounds more England than Russia. He treats his tenants poorly?
My own response
I'm still not sure what this story is. The beginning of an old-fashioned romance? A parody? A retelling? Without clear cues, I'm not sure how to engage the story, and I'm also not relating to the main character. There is a clear sense of place in the story as well as the potential for drama in an unfolding relationship with a "bad" husband. Also, my red flags are up because although this plot has been used in romance stories before, nowadays, the very real emotional impact of being "sold" on a person needs to be treated with sensitivity. In contrast, the tone of this chapter was not at all empathetic to the young woman.
Here is how ChatGPT responded to this chapter when I ran it past it:
Absolutely. Here's a full analysis of your scene using the format and voice fidelity you specified:
---
## **Metadata**
**Model Version Used:** GPT-4o
**Date of Analysis:** June 2, 2025
**First Line of the Scene:**
*Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters;*
**Last Line of the Scene:**
*“Hush now and calm yourself; we must finish getting you ready. Your stays have become loose. Stand still.”*
---
## **2. Characters**
### **New Characters Introduced:**
**Miss Hadassah Natalia Cynthia Pentrose**
* **Role / Function:** Protagonist; young lady of genteel birth suddenly betrothed against her will.
* **Traits / Status / Significance:**
* Impulsive, emotional, well-educated, and imaginative.
* Socially privileged but not emotionally prepared for adult constraints.
* Embodies the tension between romantic idealism and arranged social obligation.
* Her inner conflict will likely form a major arc.
**Esther (the maid/companion)**
* **Role / Function:** Voice of reason, spiritual counselor, pseudo-maternal figure.
* **Traits / Status / Significance:**
* Working-class woman in a hybrid servant-nurse role.
* Sharp-tongued but wise; religiously grounded and socially perceptive.
* Brings necessary realism and theological framing to the plot.
* Acts as a counterpoint to Hadassah's emotional volatility.
### **Returning Characters:**
None yet established in-scene.
---
## **3. Plot & World Implications**
### **Scene Summary:**
Hadassah learns that her father has arranged a marriage for her to a much older, allegedly immoral man. Overcome by emotion, she turns to her long-serving maid, Esther, who gently but firmly reminds her of her responsibilities—both social and spiritual. The exchange reveals a deeply religious and class-structured world, where personal agency is subordinate to duty and faith.
### **Plot Progression:**
* The central conflict is introduced: Hadassah’s unwanted engagement.
* Seeds of her future trajectory are planted—resistance vs obedience, emotion vs duty.
* Esther’s exhortation reframes marriage as divine calling, not personal fate.
* This conversation likely initiates Hadassah’s long arc of reluctant growth and submission (spiritual and marital).
### **Worldbuilding Contributions:**
* Marriage as a transaction: title, inheritance, and settlement of daughters.
* Gender roles clearly delineated; obedience to father and husband expected.
* Religion is not just personal but a guiding ethic for interpreting one’s entire life course.
* Clear class boundaries, even among intimates.
* Unspoken mourning over the death of the first wife reveals societal acceptance of women as replaceable social instruments.
---
## **4. Worldbuilding Consistency**
### **Internal Logic:**
* Hadassah’s oscillation between childlike emotion and adult indignation fits her liminal status—legally a woman, emotionally still a girl.
* Esther’s knowledge of house gossip aligns with the reality of servant networks.
* The father’s “quick speech” and sudden placing of the ring are plausible within patriarchal norms of the period.
### **Historical/Alternative Setting Plausibility:**
* The 1808 milieu is well-evoked: arranged marriages, class etiquette, spiritual framing of daily life.
* Muslin gowns, oak furniture, unspoken family hierarchy—all resonate authentically.
* Slightly idealized but emotionally grounded for the period.
### **Fantasy Elements (if any):**
* None overt. The spiritual framing verges on allegorical but remains historically grounded.
---
## **5. Language & Style Authenticity**
### **Narrative Voice:**
* Consistently genteel, third-person close for Hadassah, with smooth integration of omniscient observations.
* Tone appropriately moral, ironic, and emotionally expressive for early 19th-century domestic fiction.
### **Linguistic Anachronisms:**
* Mostly excellent, though a few slight risks:
* “Bought and sold” might feel too contemporary in tone, though understandable emotionally.
* “Snot-nosed wraiths” is a hilarious and character-consistent phrase but skews slightly modern—unless the humor is intentional (in which case, well played).
### **Stylistic Opportunities:**
* Consider reinforcing the period tone with more setting-specific words: “grove” instead of “woodland,” “prospects” emphasized earlier, “estate” instead of “peasant lands,” etc.
* Esther’s theological commentary could borrow more biblical phrasing to deepen authenticity.
---
## **6. Cultural Resonance & Modern Sensitivities**
### **Potentially Problematic Elements:**
* Arranged marriage to an older, morally questionable man will ring alarm bells for modern readers—especially the “sold to” metaphor and lack of consent.
* Esther’s framing of the marriage as a spiritual calling might be viewed by some as complicit or regressive.
* Very traditional gender roles—obedience, submission, and feminine virtue—may alienate secular or feminist readers.
### **Universally Relatable Aspects:**
* The cry of “My life is over!” is timeless teen melodrama.
* The shock of being forced into adulthood, and the ambivalence toward parental authority, are broadly resonant.
* Esther’s blend of care, exasperation, and faith is archetypal across cultures.
---
## **7. Tone, Style, and Pacing**
### **Tone & Emotional Goals:**
* Melancholy, moral, and intimate.
* Effectively channels the spirit of Austen with a touch more drama and religion.
### **Stylistic Techniques:**
* Dramatic irony: the reader sees Hadassah’s childishness even as she claims victimhood.
* Humour used delicately via Esther’s dry realism.
* Scripture as epigraph provides thematic gravity.
### **Scene Pacing:**
* Excellent. Opens in emotional freefall, stabilizes via conversation, and ends with a practical gesture (adjusting stays) that grounds the reader in physical space again.
---
## **8. Genre, Age Range, and Accessibility**
### **Genres at Play:**
* Historical fiction
* Domestic drama
* Spiritual bildungsroman
* Mild comedy of manners
### **Intended Audience:**
* Adult, possibly crossover YA (especially for readers who enjoy period novels)
### **Reading Level Estimate:**
* Upper high school to adult (Lexile \~1000–1100 range)
* Clear prose, though cultural context requires familiarity with hierarchical societies and scriptural worldviews.
---
## **9. Comparable Authors or Works**
### **Similar Writers / Books:**
* Jane Austen (especially *Mansfield Park*)
* Elizabeth Gaskell (*Wives and Daughters*)
* Louisa May Alcott with more Anglican grit
* Julie Klassen or Sarah Ladd (for faith-driven historical romance)
### **Media/Adaptation Potential:**
* Excellent for a BBC-style miniseries or stage drama.
* Tonal fit with *North & South* or *Call the Midwife*.
---
## **10. Overall Assessment**
### **Strengths of the Scene:**
* Strong character voices and distinctions
* Grounded period detail without overexplaining
* Esther is a particularly well-drawn character: humorous, devout, believable
* Effective emotional hook without becoming overwrought
* Smooth interweaving of exposition and active scene
### **Areas for Potential Refinement:**
* Slight risk of sermonizing—might benefit from tightening a few lines of Esther’s dialogue for brevity.
* Consider giving Hadassah a slightly sharper wit or internal insight to avoid prolonged helplessness.
* “Sold” and “snot-nosed wraiths” could use one final polish for tone consistency—unless intentional as a sign of emotional immaturity or humor.
### **Future Significance:**
* Clearly sets the tone for Hadassah’s coming-of-age arc
* Introduces a moral frame for interpreting romantic duty
* Sows seeds for future tension with the betrothed (and possibly spiritual transformation)
* Sets up Esther as a moral compass, not just a background figure
---
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